Superpowers and Snow

As deemed by stereotype and practice, the British and can find little that is more conducive to conversation than a discussion of the weather, perhaps because the exchange is usually brief. It holds us together, makes us a nation of whining grannies with Seasonal Affective Disorder who enjoy complaining about politicians. The next black cloud approaching gives us a certain je ne sais quoi; a sophisticated excuse not to talk to strangers or smile in public, and a great reason to wear unfashionable wellies in all seasons. Global Warming is an absolute nightmare. We don’t know where to turn. With it failing to die off after a spin in the media, we are still (and rightly so) troubled by melting ice and stranded polar bears. It is the new excuse to not look at people no matter how nice the weather is, because they probably have an irresponsibly sized carbon footprint.
I wonder if this weather-concern could be an undiscovered method of maintaining national unity elsewhere on the globe: it is fantastic mutual ground. I might be British, but the climate is an important way of associating with your fellow hated neighbour. It changes our moods, affects how many jumpers we have to wear and prescribes and how horrible the journey to work was. The push to ‘forge national identity’ in Afghanistan may be misled. The oxymoronic forced democracy tactic should be changed in slant to enforced complaining about the weather, if the design is to make people agree on something. Taking it a step further, maybe a global mutual and restrained unity is on the cards seen as we are all in this together.
China seems to be dealing the extreme weather changes on a slightly different tact to Britain, however: instead of self-depreciating social distain, they are claiming that they did it on purpose. Yes, that right: they are not in fact at the mercy of the weather as we know it; instead of worry and guilt, snow storms and droughts are under control, simply an exuberant display of their weather-control-superpowers. Magic and technology in the skies rather than doubt and dreariness are the tools with which China claims its identity as a nation booming. That has to be one sure way of dissociating themselves from other nations. Their conversations about the weather will eavesdrop slightly differently to ours, I would imagine. Circling around a general amazement at the cheek of a leader who wants to manipulate the sky: Fire a rocket and the sky turns white, or blue, or rains… Perhaps organ-extension by association is just being taken past shiny cars and on to the next level of geoengineering. It all sounds a bit like puff and PR: What better way to hit world news than claiming the ability to induce blue skies and snow storms. Does China have the answer to global warming, the G2 wondered this week, with a smirk in the direction of James Bond. This meddling has got to do more harm than good; a global reaction in the form of treacle rain straight from a mad hatter's tea party.
Maybe China is being too hasty with publicity, though. Thousands have been stranded in freezing ice and snow, wondering which bit of the weather was a stunt. That has got to be a bit of a head-spin for the locals: Can you imagine what would happen if Gordon Brown started letting of snow-rockets here? I dread to think, but it might change our attitude to wind and rain. It would certainly make us complain more about where our tax money is going. This all seems to be looking for inspiration from an episode of Danger Mouse if you ask me. If induced rain clouds aren't enough to make a nation proud, it could at least distract inhabitants with a healthy dose of communal self-pity and lethargy.